Sunday, December 23, 2012

Shave or Crave!

Let me start with broadly classifying the kind of men I've known all my life. (Now, before you get all knotted, I am not stereotyping anybody, OK or maybe I am. Just making a list, you know, to hand it down to my little cousins when they reach 12 years of age, and one day to my daughter.)
* These are all essentially good guys. They wouldn't really stay in my life if they were't.
The Eternal Optimist
This guy is easily encouraged. Anything you do, or don't do, can trigger excitement in him, and you can expect a 'muaah' response from this one as soon as you're nice to him.
The Opportunist
This guy chooses his battles, and doesn't leave an opportunity when he sees one. I hate to say this, but he is definitely smarter than the chaep above!
The Lazy Sports Captain
The guy who looks at a girl and does his sexy side smile in the middle of a game, thinks shes pretty, but wont do anything about it out of sheer laziness! Why, his duties, (most definitely) his guitar and running around that football field exhibiting those glorious legs are more important things to do than respond to the same cute girl's "Hi you, what's up?!" Message!
This one has to be the most annoying character, only because, what a waste of a nice, hot guy!
The Whiner
This is probably a really nice guy but the niceness easily gets overshadowed by him whining and bickering about every single thing in his life and maybe even yours! You spot one (from a distance hopefully), when you hear a seemingly nice guy "joke" 'Imma so not die a virgin!' Or "I want that bike, and ScarJo on it'. If you however had the (mis)fortune of being friends with this guys, you'll most probably hear him whine about "bandi nai milta yaar!" at least twice a day!
The Jerk
This is the guy who bought you your first beer. This is the guy who danced with you in the glass lift, this is the guy that made a bum out of himself in front of you, tells you about his alpha male issues, drops you home when you're fine and he is drunk and insists on walking you to your door like that! Then waits under your house till you wave out of your window because the battery in his phone and yours is no more! And one day he is the guy your best friend will complain to you about! And then all of a sudden you'll know that he was just nice to you, and a select few. He probably wasn't all that nice a person. But then, you wouldn't really know, for sure.
The Supreme Guy
This guy man to most of us, is our dad. He is stronger than He Man, Is more dependable than Superman and has your back at all times! He make you the happiest, just like you make him! He lets you win every game of chess, taught you to shoot hoops when you were 4, held your hand when you tried to skate, Tells you there's no one better than you and nothing anyone can do half as nicely as you can, and believes it! He's your Google, and he's the only one you can think of when there's a crisis, The one that gets you the best presents and gives in to all your demands!You're probably a team when playing antaakshari and he's probably still trying to get you to shoot hoops tirelessly!
The Good Guy is not a myth! He exists.  He is always the main suspect in a cheap/murder/romance/suspense thriller! He is also the strange, shady guy you just can't seem to figure out in reality!
Ok, sit down, my theory is-
When you see the heroine, you know it's the heroine because, the wind's blowing in her hair that's just softly caressing her face (while in her room, even the blow-drier makes more of a mess), The leaves fly, or lightening strikes, oh, no wait, that just happens for the quintessential chudails, but the last thing that tells you it's the heroine is when water droplets (usually in the form of a mild drizzle or dew drops) fall on her lips. While all this is going on, the Universe is conveniently ignoring the Good Guy and he's left to his own devices to make sure the world knows he's the hero!
Now boys being boys, don't have a clue about what it is that they could do that would get them half the attention the universe gets girls, and mostly chooses to fall into one of the first 5 categories above!
Now, whichever category he might be in, he looks best clean shaven! Don't tell me you haven't visualized the  kind of guys I've written about! Every girl knows one of each kind, yes, unfortunately even the First kind!

Dear boys- You're great the way you are. Just a hint- Most girls dislike stubble, (and muaaah messages) if you're not-
a) the gay best friend
b) the boyfriend
c) Someone we're interested in. No, it's not you if we've never 'muaah'd you back'.

The whole point was to write a post on how I'd make a guy crave so he does away with his stubble. But I couldn't have done it without all that organizing in my mind! Only if my wardrobe was as easy to sort!
1. Let's start with the first guy My Supreme Man Thanks to the fact that I'm an Army kid, I've always seen my dad with a proper hair cut and zero stubble. But Most Army men get lazy and don't shave as soon as they get their leave! So I'm told that I've disliked stubble and asked my dad to shave when I was about 2 years old and it pricked me every time I hugged his face!
2. After my 12th boards got over, I saw that all the boys from my class went and grew their hair long before college started! And when I had to choose from the otherwise really cute batch-mate and another cute guy to the Secunderabad Club dhandiya night (It feels so funny writing this now, was such a big deal back then!) I chose to go with the other clean-shaven  good hair cut guy! I went on my own, got picked up by the driver at 11pm dot and only danced with him (that too, in a group!)
Today the first guy is in The Indian Navy and hopefully just as cute, and the other guy I think wears a stud and has the longest beard in Hyd! Ok no, I really don't know!
3. I kept one of my brilliant chocolate cakes from my brother till he shaved, one Sunday. And it worked!
4. I had one of my friends in the Army (on a leave) shave his stubble because it scratched my cheek when I was withdrawing from a hug. I swear I refused to meet him if he dint shave, and we met the next day (which means- he shaved!!)
5. Last December when a few friends were going for a vacation and I couldn't, they shaved their respective stubbles(?) to make me happy. It obviously din't make the 'not vacation' better, but it was nice, nonetheless.

Finally, in the end, I realize that I can just categorize men in my life in 2 parts-
1. Brother and sometimes dad- Where in order to get them to do something, you need to hold something back, Like -
A really nice Chocolate cake they know you do a fab job at (because if it's your brother, he's most definitely going to view your cake with skepticism at first and this tactic might not work when you bake the first time!), in case that doesn't work, you could use blackmail his phone as leverage. Trick him into his bathroom and latch him in it, trick him into your backyard in a towel and lock him outside, and ensure you have a hideout when you decide to let him in, tell him you know a really pretty girl who has a major crush on him and she prefers clean shaven men (this always works!) Drop hints and stick post-its on his books, college bag, and inside his wardrobe, till he gets tired and gives in!
2. Dad and Everybody else-
Just ask them to get rid of their stubble and they will!

PS: Dear Santa Claus, I know you listen to me always, but this post isn't applicable to you. Visit me soon! Mwah!
PPS:This post is a part of the 'Shave or Crave' movement in association with



  1. Hhahahaa
    Weirdly, I like stuble. :P

    1. Aah, You're just ruining my chances of going to Paris! :P

  2. I I like stubble, my husband has a beard, however my skin doesn't like it, red blotches etc

  3. Stubble. its a bugger. can only tell from the experience with my dad. it wasnt kind on my cheeks. Anyhow, Interesting post IK,

  4. Loved this post! Have read quite a few more about this "Shave or Crave" contest but urs is by far the BESTEST!
    My hubby loves his stubble too! And I like it upto a 3day growth but after that start my perstering to try and get him to shave.

    1. Woohoo! Don't you always have the nicest things to say?! :D Thank youuu once again Dollie!! :D Men like it because it's less work haha I don't know any man who dislikes stubble!

  5. much fun you are :) Your blog is my happy place.

    I am ambivalent about stubble...though a clean shaven look is my first choice, the stubble leaves its mark, if you know what I mean :P

  6. Eeeeee you are so kind!! :D I know what you're talking about, but after studying architecture with and from a tonne of fake/ wannabe artsy people, the stubble lost it's charm for me, totally! :P

  7. Hehehe :) Stubble works fine for me. A 3 day old one max.nt older than that.
    And yeah I knw what you mean when you're talking about "artsy" people. :)

    1. Wow! Most of you'll like/ are okay with stubble here! There goes my chance of winning! :P I think I started to dislike stubble and beard only after encountering that kind of people, you know, who need that extra bit to get attention, or make a statement/ to be taken seriously 'artsy'!>.<


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